I am afraid.
I am a 6'3, 260 pound, angry Irish Scot with the imposing nature of a dreadnought battleship and I am genuinely afraid of the world.
"Why?" is the first question many of you will ask. And "Why" is the reason I am writing this.
Our world has gone mad, and America gone completely and utterly insane. Beyond insane. Goofy, cartoon dictators are insane. People in padded rooms, screaming about how their cheerios are telling them to enact genocide on garden gnomes, are insane.
This place called America is so beyond the layers of insane that I really cannot come up with a word to say to describe it.
Today, I saw on the news, CNN, which is supposed to be a reputable news source, that there was a shooting at an Anti-Islam rally in Texas. Of course, the gunmen are dead, and of course, there is one "that has ISIS sympathies." The group holding the rally, some right wing loons escaped from this reality, are of course fueling this fire of fear.
The news is fueling the fear. This has been "Breaking News" for what, 24 hours? I am sorry, but there is NO goddamn fucking way that the feds or law enforcement know ANYTHING about the gunmen. This is not a TV cop drama. Evidence just doesn't pop up within the 43 minute episode right when they need to start piecing together clues. This is shit that is made up to scare the people of this country. To control by fear.
How do I know this? Well, you take a rape case, and you look at the victim and the rapist. That rapist is "A Suspect". The authorities will not give out his name, his address, or a definitive "Yes" or "NO" that he did it until the rapist is found guilty and is safely in police custody. This is done to prevent some vigilante from knocking on this mans's door with a 12 gage shotgun and emptying the barrels into his chest when he opens it thinking its pizza. This is collateral damage, and is not acceptable. NO one wants to take the responsibility of it if someone in this dance gets hurt.
However, there seems to be no consideration for that here. I want to know, I demand to know, how many peaceful Muslims, or people that the uneducated public will confuse for "Muslim", will have violence enacted upon them because of this? How Many?
No answer for me? Of course not, because the moment it happens, the TV stations will have lawyers in fast German sports cars roll up and say "This is our official statement: we had no idea this would happen"
Which is goddamn bullshit. Even more Bullshit? The fact that people believe it. The fact that the right wing nuts are getting their 15 minutes in front of the camera.
This shit horrifies me. Everything said is such obvious padding to some sort of ridiculous agenda that it makes me want to vomit, and yet people take it to be true!
HOW!?!?!? I cannot even fathom it. I might just be a special case, but I see something wrong with that. I see the wrongness of the fear mongering, the hate, the blatant Racism that permeates the whole goddamn lie, and yet people eat it up like pigs in slop.
Tell me, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?
This is just another in a long ass list that includes Police Brutality, Corporate Personhood/Corp
Govt, The blatant idiocy of people like Texas Governor deploying the Nat. Guard to stave off an "invasion" for the votes of his constituents. That man should be executed for his actions right there. The blatant fact that global warming, health of our food, the drug pushers in big company form, the neglect of our veterans, the greed and the forced poverty that abound.....
I'll stop there. Going on makes me want to hurt people.
And that scares me. Just like all of the above, that scares me.
It scares me so much that I am taking my family off grid, as soon as goddamn possible. It scares me so much that I am going to start carrying a weapon in public. It scares me so much that I don't want to stay in this country any more.
That statement will get met with some sort of comeback from "patriots" in the form of "grow up and die, pussy faggot homo commie" or "I'll fuckin kill you."
No one thinks any more. This country is spiraling down like a plane on fire, and NO GODDAMN PERSON will accept that the problem is people.
Not Different Religions
Not Different Sexualities or genders
Not "Obama"
Not "ISIS"
Not "ISLAM"
Not any of these irrational fears the media has created.
These are not the problem. These are not the problem because ANYONE WHO THINKS CRITICALLY can see past the smoke and pony show, and can address them properly in a sane fashion.
The problem is the culture that we have created. It is the uneducated, blithering sheep that the fundamentalist christian or right wing or racially driven movements of this country have created. It is the inability of the average american to use their goddamn brain and look around, instead of succumbing to fear and hate.
And here is the biggest problem of all: I am so lost as what to do, so swamped by the sickening bullshit, that my critical thinking mind wants to do nothing more that grab a gun and rain some hell down on these problems.
Its come to that final solution that there is no heal, there is no educate, there is only remove the problem.
You cut the bruise out of the apple, the diseased from the herd, the rotten from the clean.
It horrifies me that I am thinking like that. It horrifies me that I feel that I am capable of doing it.
It horrifies me that I think that it NEEDS TO HAPPEN.
And I know it won't work.
I know that it won't work, and that no one has the wherewithal or objectiveness or the right to do such a thing. I know that EVERY effort to change this world for the better, in America, at least, will be villainized by those who stand to lose money, and that there will always be the infectiously ignorant..
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do, short of grab my gun and protect my family.
I just want to go my own way. I want to be left alone. I want to raise my daughter in a place that will foster her growth and her soul and where she doesn't have to be afraid.
But, I can't. This fucked up world will still get in and poison what I love.
So my daughter will learn to shoot. She will learn to fish. She will learn how to farm and live off the land. She will learn to not be a victim, and to bring hell down on those who try to victimize her. She will learn kindness, which is inherent to all of us, and to be not afraid to be kind. She will learn that faith is for herself, not for a church or for a club or for any other person other than her own self, and that faith is not a tool for hate. She will learn that we are all human, and that we have the ability to be at peace. She will learn that her imagination is the only thing saying yes or no to the possibilities.
And I can only hope that she will learn to forgive me for being an angry, resentful, hateful and fearful person..
I am afraid.
No comments:
Post a Comment